Breaking up is never easy. But when a relationship isn’t working, when it’s not giving you what you need, it has to be done. But looking that other person in the eye and telling them that there is something wrong, that the relationship isn’t going anywhere, is always hard to do. Especially when that other person is depending on you for a paycheck.

I’m talking about breaking up with your personal trainer. The personal trainer/client relationship is a very personal one and can be riddled with confusion and angst when it comes time to leave that relationship.

Let’s talk about the reality of breaking up with your personal trainer: the WHY and the HOW.

Just like a romantic relationship, there are some very obvious clues that that your personal trainer needs to go.

• Canceling your appointments. I’m not talking about the rare and infrequent cancellation for reasons beyond his or her control. I’m talking about canceling your pre-scheduled appointments on a regular basis and with short notice, especially if it’s for another client or another job. The truth is most personal trainers can’t or choose not to train clients as a career or full time job. That means personal training may not be a priority, which means you won’t be a priority on his or her schedule either.
• Talking on the phone or to others during your session. This also includes texting or tweeting. It’s your time and you (or other clients working out with you) should be the only thing taking up his or her attention.
• Rudeness. Being firm is one thing, being rude is quite another. Your personal trainer should never insult you or treat you inappropriately.
• Not listening to you. You are ultimately in the driver’s seat. Yes, our job is to push you. But if you’re going to stick to a fitness plan your needs, likes and dislikes need to be part of the plan as well.

Perhaps you love your personal trainer. She’s always there ready and waiting with a smile on her face. Or he always remembers your birthday or that your kids were sick last week. But there are other, more subtle signs that you may have out grown the relationship and it is time to move on.

• Your workouts are no longer challenging. If you feel like you’re just going through the motions, it may be time to try something new. Personal trainers can get stuck in ruts too, so ask for some variety if you’re getting bored or don’t feel like you’re getting an effective workout.  If he doesn’t listen, it’s time to look elsewhere.
• You’re ready to try a new sport or challenge that is outside of their expertise. Most personal trainers have an area of specialty. If you’re ready to try something more advanced or train for a sport, share this with your personal trainer and ask for a referral.  A good personal trainer knows what is out of his or her scope of practice and will be happy to help.
• You need to fly solo. I love all my clients but my goal for them is to eventually not need me on a regular basis. After awhile they shouldn’t need me to hold them accountable for each workout. I want strength training and clean eating to be a habit and a normal part of their life. If that’s the case, they may only need me every so often to break a weight loss plateau or freshen up a boring routine.

Now let’s discuss the how. Again, think back to your last romantic break up. Didn’t it go better when you were being honest? The same thing applies to breaking up with your personal trainer. Any good personal trainer will want the truth, no matter how painful it is. Be open and clear about the reasons you feel it’s time to move on. After all, we can still be friends.